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  3. Choosing Between Your Friends and Your Girlfriend

If you’ve been with a woman you think is “the one,” you know how it feels.

It’s a feeling like no other!

Nothing else seems as important as being with her, and if you could, you would spend every free moment with her.

You would even miss hanging out with your friends just to be with her!

Hey, they are your friends, they’ll understand if you choose her over them most of the time. And who doesn’t, isn’t a true friend anyway!

Right?

Well, not exactly!

If you choose your girlfriend over your friends all the time, you are heading for disaster…

Why Always Choosing Her is a Bad Idea

Here’s a scary fact for you: if you choose your girlfriend over your friends every time, not only will you severely damage your friendships, eventually you will also ruin the relationship you have with her!

Because it’s the exact opposite of what a healthy relationship should be!

A couple being sad on the sofa.

But let me explain.

Whenever you sacrifice activities you had planned with your buddies because of your girlfriend, your relationship with them suffers. It’s basic psychology – the less you spend time with someone, the further apart you grow.

Do that enough times and they will decide to stop hanging out with you. Even your best friendships will eventually fall apart if you continue on this path.

Sure, most of your friends will understand when you don’t always have time for them. However, if you shut them out of your life, eventually you will lose them.

You wouldn’t believe how many guys I have seen in this exact situation!

Imagine you spend all of your time with your girlfriend and don’t take the time for anyone else. Your buddies notice it and stop trying to invite you anywhere because “Why bother? You would say no anyway.”

As time passes, she slowly but surely becomes your only friend!

And while it might seem cute to call your girlfriend your best friend and the only friend you’ll ever need, it is the worst-case scenario a man in a relationship can be in!

It often means you sacrifice other relationships just for one, single, person.

Now all of your interactions happen with this one friend. And slowly but surely you will become dependent on her company. You will rely on her to feel good, and when she’s not available, you’ll get frustrated and desperate.

By continuing down this path, you will eventually start to suffocate her (emotionally) by continually demanding for attention and affection.

Whenever she is out with her friends (because she didn’t give them up like you did) you will become jealous.

You will start to see every new male acquaintance she makes as a threat and might even start to resent her female friends because she suddenly wants to hang out with them more than she used to!

As you can imagine, this is where everything starts to go downhill!

Sure, the one thing you could always do is to get to know her friends. But whatever you do, these people can’t replace your actual friends! They would be your acquaintances and not someone you could just call up to hang out with.

And you know what’s even more worrying?

Should you ever break up with your girlfriend, these new “friends” would disappear along with her because they would always choose her over you!

And when the day finally comes (and it will come) and you two break up, you will have no friends at all!

Now you are in a terrible spot – you are all alone.

Whenever you try to patch things up with your old buddies, you will notice that they don’t have that much time for you anymore.

And who can blame them?

If you put yourself in their shoes, it will become apparent why. You were the guy who was always “busy” and didn’t have time for them.

Now when you are all alone and desperate, you suddenly expect them to drop everything and find time for you again.

But guess what? They moved on with their lives! They have learned to live their lives without you in it, and all you can do is accept it and start looking for new friends.

Lonely man sitting on a bench.

So what exactly am I trying to say here?

That you should always choose your friends over the girl?

Of course not!

If you spend time only with your friends and rarely with your girlfriend, you will lose her. No question about it! A woman needs your attention, and when she doesn’t get it from you, she will get it from someone else!

No, you need something else. You need to find a better solution!

Find Your Balance

The solution here is to find a healthy balance between the two, so your relationships (with your friends and with your girl) won’t suffer!

Don’t spend all of your time with your friends, but also don’t give her all of your attention either!

Find the time to go out with your buddies and the time to do something with your girl, so everybody is happy. Remember, balance is the key to all long and healthy relationships.

A man standing balanced.

Also, if you find it hard to tell your girl that you want to spend some time with your friends, you have to understand something:

Your girlfriend doesn’t actually want you to sacrifice everything for her!

If she’s asking for your attention, it doesn’t mean you should immediately drop everything and run to her! A girl with a healthy mindset understands that sometimes you have your own stuff to do.

If she doesn’t, I have bad news for you buddy: you might want to start looking for someone else.

And sometimes your girlfriend just wants to see that you are a man of strong character who can stick to your decisions. If you drop whatever you’re doing every time just to please her, she may eventually see you as weak and lose attraction.

Sure, sometimes she might even get upset in the moment when you say “no” to her, but in the long run, she will respect you for standing your ground.

To Conclude

So, what can you learn from this?

As already mentioned… find a healthy balance and try to keep it as much as possible.

This means that sometimes you’ll need to say no, not just to your girlfriend, but to your friends as well! Balancing these relationships requires making tough choices, and not always bending to the will of others.

While this might seem like a challenge because you can’t always do what you want, it will pay off. By doing so, you not only maintain healthier relationships with your girl and your friends, but also respect your own needs. This approach ensures that you keep everyone around you, including yourself, happy and satisfied.

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109 Comments

  2. John

    Sep 12, 2019 at 7:54am

    So I just found this thread and I could use some advice. My girlfriend and I have just passed the 1 year mark (Sept 7th), we’ve known each other for a long time and actually met because we have somewhat the same group of friends, one of my buddies sister was her best friend for the longest time. Well in the past year my gf and that best friend have had a lot of fights and now my girlfriend doesn’t want to be around her anymore. Problem is her old best friend is dating another one of my buddies, and I know they talk about my girlfriend when we aren’t around. Lately I’ve been feeling like I have to choose between my friends and my girlfriend. I know at first you want to spend as much time as you can with your significant other, and I understand with me working night shift and her living an hour and a half away for school it’s hard but it seems like for me it’s work, sleep, gf, and if I even hint at hanging out with my friends or not seeing her for a weekend she gets all worked up. Idk maybe it’s just me, I love her with all my heart I know she’s the one I even saved myself for her. I’m just feeling sort of suffocated and I’m not exactly an outgoing person and don’t want to make new friends, I want to keep the ones I have now they’ve been around longer than she has. I really don’t know what to do what to say to her I’m not even sure if the problem is me, my friends, or her. Does anyone have any advice?

  3. Scott

    Jun 25, 2019 at 7:12pm

    My friends have me an ultimatum; said it's them or my girlfriend. My friends told me I needed to break up with her if I really valued the friendship. They said compromise wasn't realistic, and that choosing them meant losing her. They claimed that she wedged me from my friend group, that she was changing me. However, the only things changing about me were my priorities; I hung out with her more than I hung out with them. The thing is, they made a group chat w/o me in it and we're making plans w/o me, so I never even knew when they were hanging out. Over the course of my relationship with her (8 months now) my friends have become more and more openly disrespectful towards her and I couldn't take it.

  4. Richard

    May 3, 2019 at 11:55am

    My best friend became my girlfriend last year, she used to hang out with my group of friends every often. Ever since we got together she expect quality time without our group of friends. The treatment from our group of friends towards her changed too, she can't be comfortable hanging out with the group anymore and expect us to leave them completely as she felt hurtful. We both will lose our friends in this situation, however she doesn't treat them as friends anymore. She don't really have spontaneous friends except me as a partner & I think I'm able to survive without this friendship to prevent her from getting more hurted.

  5. Lauren

    Apr 30, 2019 at 11:56pm

    I have an update the guy that put his girlfriend first all the time like he didn't just do it sometimes but all the time and I'm not friends with him anymore I don't talk to him anymore at all actually and I understand he might be hurt but in the long run I think it's what's best for me I couldn't be friends with someone who would actually put their significant other first all the time at all I simply don't have time for that kind of friend this is just part of who I am I don't owe a man friendship if it isn't worth anything

  6. Eric

    Apr 28, 2019 at 4:40am

    So me and my girlfriend have a lot of fights the last few months and 2 of my good friends said I needed to break up with her because it wasn't healthy. So we broke up only a couple of days later we came back together because I still loved her and i realised not all was bad. But then I told my friends about it and they said I had to choose 2 good friends of mine or my girlfriend ( but i don't know if want to be with her 100%). Should i go for my girlfriend or my friends

    1. John

      AUTHOR Apr 30, 2019 at 11:50am

      Judging by the limited information you gave, go with your friends. If you're not sure whether or not you want to stay with her, already broke up with her once, your friends tell you that the relationship isn't healthy, and you're fighting with her all the time, then it all points to a relationship that won't last long.

  7. Sia

    Apr 12, 2019 at 10:51pm

    Hi i needed an advice from who r the ones which can really help..I m in a long distance relationship since two years we r together and one once in year we meet for approx 2 or 3 weaks last time when he came the last day when he stayed for at the same time I had a school last afterparty and at that day it was his last day we went for together for that party nd for a while I went dancing with my friends he felt ignored and he keeps intimating me again and again that between him and friends I choose friends and went dancing..what should I do?

  8. Nidhi Pandey

    Mar 28, 2018 at 7:01pm

    I am in a long distance relationship. Me and my bf meet after 2 months or so just for 2 hours , the only way to get connected through him is cell phones. He is having many friends sort of extrovert personality he is, and the thing is I don't get enough time with him like how our relationship used to be and how it is now, there is a huge difference just because of this communication gap, the left over time he likes to spend with his family and cousins I told him that am having issues with these things, I even cried like a baby N number of times but ever time he apologize and promises not to repeat in future. I know he loves me a lot and so do I and I don't want to loose him at any cost what should I do please help me through this. By the way, we are in a relationship from last 2yrs 6 months.

    1. John

      AUTHOR Apr 1, 2018 at 7:12pm

      Sorry, but I don't see this going anywhere. Long distance relationships are hard enough, but when the person you're dating only spends a minimal amount of time with you after being apart for so long, it starts to raise some questions. And even after you bring up the issue and he still does it, it just doesn't seem like he cares that much.

  9. Jade Acodala

    Feb 2, 2018 at 2:20am

    I’ve come to a point in time where my boyfriend spends the majority of his time with his guy friends. I confronted him about it before and he said he was sorry, and it changed for a while. But things reverted back to how they were before. I love him and I love to spend time with him, but I feel as if I don’t get enough. His group of friends definitely get more time with him than I do. But yet when he is with me, he’s wonderful. I don’t want to confront him again because last time I did, it followed with him making jokes about me venting when he leaves me to go with them and how he’s scared I’ll do the same again and he’s scared I’ll take it personally. I just don’t know what to do. Any advice?

    1. John

      AUTHOR Feb 2, 2018 at 2:12pm

      As I see it, you've got 2 options: 1) You talk to him again. 2) You suffer in silence. If you go with the first option (what you should do), stay levelheaded. Don't make demands or ask him to spend all of his time with you, try to find a solution that works for the both of you. And if nothing works... well, you know...

  10. Sid

    Feb 2, 2018 at 1:52am

    Hey John, so I have been dating this girl for almost 2 years now. We are in long distance. We were together first for few months then I moved to a new country nearby. Anyway, so I have had this best friend (female) for over 13 years now. We are very open with each other when it comes to conversation. We can talk about anything. We share each other’s problem. She tell me things and I advise her and viceversa. She stays very far away in some another country (+5 hours) from where I am. And we haven’t even seen each other in a long time. We just talk over phone and chats that too once in a week or so if time allows. Now my gf once visited me and checked my phone and read few lines between me and my best friend. Let me tell you what exactly she read and went absolutely mad about it. Scenario 1: My best friend sent me two pics of hers asking me which one looks best for her display picture. Scenario 2: I asked my friend “ Are you still a virgin?” Reading the lines above she declared that I am two timing :/ I understand she must have been insecure. We had a fight about it but did not come to any conclusion and just let it go at that time. Now after few months my girlfriend and I are planning to settle down but apparently she has condition and have asked me to stop talking to my best friend or give her any emotional support or whatsoever. She doesn’t want me to share my problems with my best friend. She said I could share it with anyone but not her. I tried explaining her that she has been my friend for last 13 years and I can’t just stop talking to her or limit my conversations with her. We both love each other but I don’t know why she sees her as a threat to our relation. She apparently thinks that one day in future she could be my rebound. I think she is overthinking things. I love her but I feel that this condition is invalid. What do you think ? Sid.

    1. John

      AUTHOR Feb 2, 2018 at 2:05pm

      Hey man, You're right! If she wants to be with you, she has to accept that your friend is a part of your life. It would be understandable if she asked you to share less with her, but to shut someone out of your life completely just because she asks it… that just isn't fair towards you!

    2. Sid

      Feb 6, 2018 at 3:03pm

      Well, she is saying she is Ok with her being my friend. But i should not discuss any problem with her. Not like i discuss every other problem with my friend. But what if i want to let my heart out to someone. Let's say i had a fight with my GF and i wanna just talk to someone about it...you kow just let my heart out. She doesn't even want me to let my heart out to her. She said no emotional connection whatsoever. Is that fair? Sid

      1. John

        AUTHOR Feb 7, 2018 at 1:00pm

        I get where you're coming from, sometimes you need to talk to someone else. But I can also understand her side: would you be okay with some dude knowing almost everything about her (and you) and what’s going on in your relationship? Not all people would. All I can say is to stay true to your values. If you would be okay with something like that, then stand your ground, but also be prepared to lose your gf if she's not willing to budge. If not, stop sharing with your friend because that would be fair.

  11. Vinny

    Jan 9, 2018 at 4:09am

    My boyfriend gave me a choice? Lose me or shut one of my friend out of my life for his own past reason before we became serious. I can't shut my friend out of my life for you, I said. Now I lost him. Did I do right thing?

    1. John

      AUTHOR Jan 9, 2018 at 7:23am

      Yes, you did. He should have accepted your friend. Never allow someone to manipulate you in such a way!

  12. Lauren

    Dec 11, 2017 at 9:29am

    I'm in the position where my guy friend is spending most of his time with his girlfriend and guy friends but not me I'm beginning to wonder if the friendship is worth it or should I end the friendship now I'm not really sure he's the right friend for me right now of course he has two jobs and is in medical school now but that has nothing to do with it my point is he doesn't seem to care about me as a friend at all

    1. John

      AUTHOR Dec 12, 2017 at 9:22pm

      Well, if he really doesn't care, then you already know the answer. But you don't really have to end the friendship. Start hanging out with other friends and if he happens to contact you, you can still do stuff together. Just don't put him first anymore.

    2. Lauren

      Jun 30, 2018 at 3:38pm

      He will sometimes text me back and I see him sometimes but I think he should make his friends more of a priority then he does I'm pretty sure I'm done with this guy I've made it clear that if nothing changes I can't be his friend anymore yeah I've made up my mind

  13. Blake Bailey

    Sep 28, 2017 at 10:20pm

    Very well written, while I have never done this myself, I have been on the other end of it multiple times with my best friend. All throughout high school and even now that were fully grown. My suggestion for others in my shoes is by the second or third time they do this, just cut that friend off. Its in their personality to, and it wont be the last time they do it 90% of the time.

  14. Sarah

    May 12, 2017 at 12:19pm

    Well written article. I am with my BF for over two years now (we do not live together though). We are meeting 2-3 times per week, generally. The one-to-one time we spend together is relatively low 1-2 times per month maximum, apart from this every time we meet - e.g. cooking together, going out,travelling for the weekend etc. - his friends are there with us. He has definitelly a great number of friends and he is kind of a people-pleaser type. In his "close" circle of friends there are at least 3-4 people who have quite a bad effect on him (alcohol, drugs...) My BF has alcohol problems, that he tries to control, however each time he meets these guys they make him feel guilty if he does not drink with them or go out to party. There are two friends, for instance, who he is meeting almost in a daily basis (if I meet my BF he usually invites them to be there with us, apart from this they meet seperately as well). I have the feeling that these friends are putting him under emotional pressure, and he needs to sort of "justify" what and why he is doing with me, I feel they do not respect our personal space, our relationship. If I told this to my BF he spent more time with me without his friend, we even went for a holiday. Then in a couple of weeks later he found himself out of the friend's circle (no invitations, no calls) and my BF felt very bad himself. The friends started to complain that he does not spend enough time with them anymore and they fear that that they will lost him soon. I found myself again in the original situation that we spend 80% of our common time with his friends and I can not really complain as than the friends start labeling me as "clingy girlfriend that he needs to dump as there are plenty of better options outside" (one of them said this earlier). I am not sure whether this situation is normal or what to do. One thing is however sure, I am getting tired of this. Even if we have a great relationship (I love him and we are a really good fit personally) I am thinking of quiting. This will be a very painful situation for both of us, but this situation with the best friends just can not get better anytime soon and I am not sure how long can I wait. I can not ask my boyfriend to choose because that would not be faire or even good for him and I can not change the behavior of others either. So the only way is the way out. What do you think, how long shall I wait?

    1. John

      AUTHOR May 12, 2017 at 2:12pm

      It looks like your bf is in a relationship with his friends and not you. Your situation is definitely not normal and I would advise you to move on ASAP.

  15. Jonathan

    May 9, 2017 at 12:52am

    Hi everyone, as a matter of fact, I've been with my girlfriend for over 6 months now and she always want to be with me. I've told her several times that I need time with my friends and she doesn't seem to get my point. I've talk about my relationship to my good buddy for his advices (which really help me) and we both think that she always want to be with me because she doesn't have any close friends, or even any real friends at all. What should be my next move? p.s For your information, she will be gone for 2 weeks for a trip in the South of America

    1. John

      AUTHOR May 9, 2017 at 6:44pm

      There's not much you can do. You can try to help her to find friends and encourage her to take up activities where she is likely to meet new people. But if she refuses and continues this way, you will only have two options: 1) you either dump her or 2) you try to live with it.

  16. Donovan

    May 7, 2017 at 6:37pm

    My girlfriend and I have been dating for a month now, and like I realized I was already falling into that whole dependency thing. The sad thing though is I didn't have any friends in the in the first place. So what do I do? I'm not that social, and I need help.

    1. John

      AUTHOR May 8, 2017 at 2:45pm

      Well, my suggestion to you would be to become more sociable. Find activities where you meet other people (preferably men) and try to befriend them. If you have activities you enjoy it also helps with your dependency problem.

  17. Lauren

    May 5, 2017 at 1:41am

    I have a friend I'm suspecting is spending all his time with his girlfriend he said he would text me but that was four days ago that's when I thought that maybe he was putting his girlfriend before our friendship it's making me question the friendship which has been the case since he moved away from home it's almost gotten to the point where I'm not sure if it's worth it anymore

  18. Bobby

    May 2, 2017 at 9:18am

    Hey, I want to ask for a stranger's advice if I may. So my gf doesn't like the friends I hang out with, mostly because of their personalities and influence on me (they drink - though not alcoholic, I'm from a conservative surrounding). They are not any typical drinking buddies, they are my best buds, they came in to my life before my gf did, basically brothers - you get the picture. And my gf just threw an ultimatum where either I leave my friends entirely or my gf walks. Now, I really do love her more than anything, she is the best thing that ever happened to me, but this is just too much. Also I am not certain wether she is "the one" due to lack of experience (I have only dated twice in my life - yeah I suck at dating) so I'm really don't know which one to choose. Can you help?

    1. John

      AUTHOR May 2, 2017 at 12:16pm

      Unless your friends have a damaging influence on you, your only option is to let her go. First of all, she might be testing you to see if you have a backbone, and if you give in, she will lose respect for you. But even if she's serious, she has no right to dictate to you who you should hang out with, especially if they are your best friends. Even if she doesn't like them, she still has to accept them, and presenting an ultimatum is not the way to fix things. You can always find another girl (especially if you're not even sure if she's the right one) but it's hard to find guys you can consider as your brothers. Also, they will always be your friends, but if you give them up for her and your relationship happens to fall apart, you're left alone.

  19. Sithumina

    May 1, 2017 at 4:04am

    I'm really in a wierd situation.I have a friend actually, just always with me, help me always. Recently I got to know that he is having thoughts on my girlfriend. And I just dropped him about two weeks, I meant I didn't talked with him. Now I have forgotten all the problems with him. But he asked me that who worth, Is it me or your girlfriend? So what should I say

    1. John

      AUTHOR May 1, 2017 at 10:05pm

      Stick with your gf. A "friend" who is interested in your girl and gives you an ultimatum like this, isn't really a friend.

  21. Alex

    Feb 28, 2017 at 12:59am

    Hey there, I am in a weird situation. I am in my last year of school. For about a year now one of my best mate's has been dating his girlfriend. He spends most of his time at school with his girlfriend and talking with his girlfriend's friends and has no time for me. We try to find time for the bros after school to hang out but it rarely happens because my mates are always busy either with their girlfriend or at work. I feel like I'm the only one in this trying to keep our friendships alive, I'm the only one making the effort. When he is with his girlfriend at school he has no time for me, never talks to me, only rarely. But I'm still there feeling awkward desperately trying to make conversation with one of his girlfriends friends. I have to do this because I have nobody to hang out with and I'll be a loner. Early last year my mate left school to pursuit one of his career ideas and this broke up our friends group, one of my other mates started hanging out with another group of people, and he got a girlfriend from his new group of friends, since then he has been hanging out with his girlfriend and her friends at school and after school. Back to my first mate, I have been forced to hang out with his girlfriend and her group of friends. Despite his girlfriend being kind to me and her friends too I still feel out of place and since my mate never talks to me I feel badly treated as a friend and I just want the bros group back. What should I do because if I stop hanging out with him, his girlfriend and his girlfriends friends I will be a loner and lose all my confidence... But idk.....Thanks if you can give me any advice on what I should do.....

    1. John

      AUTHOR Feb 28, 2017 at 1:07pm

      Apart from telling him what you wrote here, there isn't anything you can do. If he doesn't want to spend time with you anymore, you have to find other (better) friends. Just hang out with his girlfriend and her group and try to befriend them. Since it's your last year, you shouldn't really concern yourself that much with your current situation anyway. Once you graduate, everything will change and you will most likely have to find new friends. Although your situation sucks, you can always make new friends. I think the more disconcerting thing is that you need your friends to be confident. Your confidence can't come from other people, it has to come from within. So, this is something you will need to fix.

  22. Hannah

    Feb 22, 2017 at 2:35pm

    I am my boyfriends first serious girlfriend and we have been dating a month and 2 weeks. For the first 3 weeks we saw each other about 4 times a week which i know is a lot but for the last few weeks he has been busy seeing the his friends. I know that lots of the things he is busy with were planned before he started dating me but he is also seeing his friends lots and not organizing anything with me. I feel like i have to make all of the effort to make plans and on Tuesday he canceled plans with me to see his friend and then said it was because he forgot. I know it must be new for him and he doesn't want to appear whipped by his friends but how do i tell him that he needs to organise time with me with out sounding controlling?

    1. John

      AUTHOR Feb 22, 2017 at 7:55pm

      I think the best way to tell him this is similar to the way you asked the question. Try something like "look, I'm not trying to be controlling and I understand how important it is to spend time with your friends, but it seems to me like you're not paying enough attention to me". Don't say it in an accusing tone and make it clear to him that you're not asking him to give up his friends for you. But if he refuses to budge on this issue... you have a problem. Of course, you should also be fair. If he spends more time with his friends than with you, then that's not good. But don't expect him to give you all of his attention either. As long as you stay fair, you will not come across as unreasonable and controlling.

  23. Saviour

    Jan 22, 2017 at 6:08am

    I'll be honest here, the comments on this blog are not intierly true, they come from somebody who is trying to help but only knows one side of the story and probably only knows the half of it! The only way to make a decision in life is to listen to your head, whatever it tells you to do....just do it!

    1. John

      AUTHOR Jan 22, 2017 at 11:16am

      Saviour? Seriously? With a name like that, you could have at least added something valuable to the comments. The "listen to your head... just do it" bs ain't gonna cut it! But thank you Captain Obvious! I have to admit, though, you're partially correct on one thing. I focus on helping men, and so does this site. When women come here asking for help, I try to offer them some advice as well (instead of, you know... just ignoring them). So my advice to women might not be as "polished" as it is to men, but I still know more about this stuff than someone who comes here adding nothing helpful and then accuses me of knowing only the half of it. Nice try, though!

  24. Armi

    Jan 21, 2017 at 1:26am

    I have a boyfriend and we're dating for 6 months. For the past 2yrs, he has a close friend and has a feelings for that friend (idk if his friend do the same) they're like very clingy to each other like holding hands while sleeping. (He told me the story but it was happened before we're dating) I feel like jealous if he's like choosing that girl over me. Tho he said that, he doesn't have feelings anymore towards his friend. I still have doubts and what if's. i dont know what to do. I already talk to him about this issue but still feel the same. And I think his friend was annoyed and hates me, even though i didnt do anything to her. What should I do now?

    1. John

      AUTHOR Jan 21, 2017 at 2:45am

      There is nothing you can do. You have to trust him. If he breaks that trust, then leave him. But you can't come between him and his friends. Only if he decides to choose her over you all the time, can you do something about it (talk to him about it and if he refuses to budge, leave).

  25. Sangmo

    Jan 18, 2017 at 5:52pm

    It's been only a month since I get into a relationship with him. And what I noticed is that he used to spend most of his time with his friends and not with me. He told me that we will have our dinner outside but then when I text him where he is, he was like he's having dinner with his friends. I've waited for him and I even skipped my hostel mess food for him. He should've told me earlier if he's going to cancel our dinner plan. I don't know, if he truly loves me or not. Please help me!

    1. John

      AUTHOR Jan 18, 2017 at 7:20pm

      If he spends way more time with his friends than you, then that's usually not a good sign. But, unless the situation you described happens all the time, you don't have to worry just yet. Your best bet is to talk to him and let him know how you feel about it.

      1. Tatiana

        Jan 21, 2017 at 12:23am

        If he's 27, still a virgin and spends a lot of time with his best friend(male)and has stated that this particular male friend comes first in his life before me. Is he or could he be gay?

        1. John

          AUTHOR Jan 21, 2017 at 1:12am

          If that's the case, it really looks like it... There is also a slight possibility that he is asexual or terrified of sleeping with you and therefore uses it as an excuse. But I'm really just guessing here, there could be many reasons for his behavior. All I can do is to give you the same advice I give men: try talking to him about it (in a non-accusing manner) and if he still puts his friend first, move on and find someone else.

  26. Anonymous

    Nov 16, 2016 at 3:23pm

    I understand this article is directed towards men and some of the principles apply to women but my situation is a bit different. I am not a clingy girlfriend, I don't expect my boyfriend to not go out and have a guy's night out, in fact I encourage it! I enjoy my space too. But for the last 2 years of our relationship, he has been choosing a girlfriend of his who is very two-faced, over me. He has only known her for about 3 years, during his university years but he says she was there before me, which she wasn't, he says he'll never let her go, he says things like "she is better than you". He doesn't take me out because he says he's on a budget, but then goes out on the weekend with her and comes home drunk. He keeps her messages a secret, deletes everything and reminds me daily that if it's not her, it'll be someone else that I'll have a problem with, so he is not going to give her up for me. I feel alone all the time, I feel 2nd all the time and yet he says "i love you" everyday. How should a girl feel after hearing things like that. He says I'm preventing him from being himself and going out with his friends, absolutely not...all I'm asking is you take me out sometimes maybe with your friends so I can also get to know them. There is no opportunity there for me to know anything and he keeps his world with her completely separate. It truly bothers me and I don't know what to do with it because he's convinced me that I'm crazy and I have insecurity issues...but other than those nasty words and actions, our relationship works. I just don't feel like I can trust him anymore...so is something wrong with me? Am I thinking down the wrong path? Is my boyfriend supposed to express this to me so that he stands his ground? Wonder if it were the other way around...oh wait I tried asking that and he said I'd be a slut then! Guess after writing this...I think my relationship is on the verge of ending!

    1. John

      AUTHOR Nov 16, 2016 at 3:51pm

      Well, I guess you figured it out yourself and I agree with you. He is a hypocrite and definitely hiding something from you. My advice: dump him and find someone better. Don't look at his words but his actions. A couple of "I love you"s won't really make up for his behavior!

  27. Eric

    Nov 16, 2016 at 12:56pm

    I am in the situation right now, I lost my best friend and everything.... but I haven't lost my girlfriend yet. I am scared that i will have no one if she dumps me. Wish I saw this sooner

    1. John

      AUTHOR Nov 16, 2016 at 2:03pm

      Hey, Eric. It's probably not too late yet to try and restore your friendships.

  28. Carley

    Sep 20, 2016 at 7:19pm

    so. my boyfriend and i have been together for 8 months. he told me when we got together his "best friend" was a girl. i thought i could deal with it but i have learned that i cant. she will message him telling him that she is going to "speak her mind to me and that shes going to be a b*tch to me". i have told him i dont want to go talk to her to "work on things" i just want her out of both of our lives, she is the only problem that him and i have. our entire relationship, we have fought twice and both times it was over her. hes so head strong on be friends with her though and i dont know why.. help me. i love him but i cant do this, im done. he needs to choose between me and her.

    1. John

      AUTHOR Sep 21, 2016 at 12:18pm

      Sorry Carley, but there isn't much I can help you with. If she is determined to act like a b*tch towards you, you have to make it clear to your boyfriend that this is not something you are going to tolerate. But then again, you should be ready to work on clearing things up with her and get used to the idea that his best friend is a girl, not demand from him to give her up for you. Of course, it is also his responsibility to do everything in his power to clear things up between the two of you, and not just ignore it. Ultimately it's still up to you to decide. If you really can't get used to the idea that his friend is a girl, then you have to leave him. He doesn't have to give her up because of you. Only if she is not willing to solve this problem, can you ask him to choose between the two of you.

  29. Serena

    Sep 5, 2016 at 7:36pm

    My best friend has ditched me twice because he and his girlfriend gets into fights exactly when we have something planned. i don't think he's ever gonna change. Should I just move on with my life?

    1. John

      AUTHOR Sep 6, 2016 at 12:04am

      It could be that his gf is jealous because he wants to hang out with you and that's why their fights start exactly when you have plans with him. I wouldn't immediately drop him but talk him about how uncool it is that he ditched you. If you want, you can let him know that if he keeps it up, you will cut him from your life.

  30. Bailey weaver

    Aug 30, 2016 at 7:50pm

    my best friend is making me choose between him or my girlfriend what do i do

        1. John

          AUTHOR Aug 30, 2016 at 9:15pm

          That's it? I think there must be a reason behind it. You just have to talk to him about it and find out why he behaves this way. No friend will stand between you and a woman, unless he is jealous (wants her for himself) or truly hates your girlfriend for whatever reason.

  32. Anonymous

    Aug 17, 2016 at 10:57pm

    I need help my bestFreinds girlfriend told him to stop talking to me and he said he agrees with her what should I do

    1. John

      AUTHOR Aug 18, 2016 at 10:15am

      Apart from talking to your friend and trying to convince him, you can't do anything. Well, maybe find a better friend, someone who doesn't ditch you as soon as he get's into a relationship.

  33. Charlotte

    Aug 6, 2016 at 5:01pm

    Thank you for telling me this, now I realized how unhealthy my relationship is... Gonna fix it and hope it's not too late!

  34. Anonymous

    Aug 6, 2016 at 4:38am

    Well I'm in deep sh*t. My girlfriend thinks I prefer my friend over her. Wish I could've read this in the beginning of our relationship

    1. John

      AUTHOR Aug 6, 2016 at 6:38pm

      Well, unless she is right, I wouldn't really say that this is a problem.

  39. Macduff

    Nov 20, 2015 at 3:52am

    i've been in this kind of situation. that time i made the wrong decision and lost most of my friends. then she left me and i had to start fixing my relationship with my friends agaon, luckily they forgave me. now i always try to balance things out.

  40. DorthaCWilden

    Jun 9, 2015 at 6:44pm

    Spot on with this write-up, I actually feel this site needs a great deal more of attention.

  41. Leo

    May 22, 2015 at 6:36pm

    Please... take what the author of the article says to heart...I only hope I read it sooner..I have found the love of my life but still...it wasn't worth to give up my friends for her. They both share an equally important spot in your life..even if you love her more than anything, like I love my girl..it's not worth it..just isn't. Everything mentioned in the article is correct. Even though I still have her..I am sad because I have lost my friends. Treasure them like you treasure her.

    1. Anton

      Jan 30, 2017 at 10:14pm

      I have felt the same loss that you have Leo.. I lost my close friend of 5 years that has been there for me through a major health crisis, and a major breakup.. The girlfriend made me choose between the two of them and my hand was forced.

  42. Corey

    Jan 27, 2013 at 3:00pm

    Such a good article. Balance is the key in all things, I suppose. I guess this is a big part of growing up, learning balance. Thanks for this article, I needed it.

  43. Janae Foshie

    Nov 16, 2012 at 2:23pm

    Hey, you used to write fantastic, but the last few posts have been kinda boringˇK I miss your great writings. Past several posts are just a little bit out of track! come on!

  46. Derek Carroll Manlius NY

    Oct 22, 2012 at 8:45am

    I am not certain the place you're getting your information, however great topic. I needs to spend some time learning much more or working out more. Thanks for great information I was searching for this information for my mission.

  48. Diana

    May 7, 2012 at 8:09am

    It's the opposite way around for me, but most of my friends have relationships themselves even harder to see my own friends! I agree we all need our space and time and see our friends, I haven't seen mine in months but I also realized along the way who is more a loyal friend to me than others. Far and foremost, your significant other should be a person's first priority. But when the other significant other is going around doing what his buddies do meetin a random chick and letting her tattoo you randomly, that's where the girl has a right to put her foot in. I gave up my whole crazy drinking fun party life due to his insecurities, but what about mine? Where do mine get into consideration? If I did this it'd be totally wrong and I'd be a bad girlfriend, but it's "okay" for him to do it. No. This is where a girl steps in asks do you want to marry your friends or do you want to marry me? Are your friends there for you or do they get you in more trouble then they are there for you? Who helps you out in life more? Whose more loyal? Whoever the person to the answer is should be the one you listen to most and make first priority. Friends, I don't say not to see them just you don't see me doing stupid shit anymore if I do go out so why should you? You can see them, chill with them, but the little boy shit that came from your single life has to go. Reality.

    1. John

      AUTHOR May 7, 2012 at 5:40pm

      This article is directed towards men but the same principles apply to women as well. Never let a guy come between you and your friends. Yes, you will lose friends when you're in a relationship, but if you have to give up on your best ones because of him (because of his insecurities) then this relationship won't have a happy ending! You are absolutely right about the last part. If you commit yourself to a relationship, you have to grow up and take into consideration what the other person needs!

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    Mar 11, 2012 at 10:30am

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    Feb 25, 2012 at 4:51am

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