Why Do Women Constantly Test Men?

A man trying to explain something to his girlfriend who is angry at him.

Women test men all the time. Whether you already knew this or just became aware of it now, the fact remains the same – every man has at some point in his life been tested by a woman.

For most guys though, this isn’t the problem. The actual problem arises when they don’t even realize that they are being tested and start making stupid mistakes.

Hell, there could be a woman standing behind you right now… testing you… and you wouldn’t even know it!

All jokes aside, to know when you are being tested you first have to understand what exactly a test is.

Then you have to recognize one.

And finally, you need to be able to react (or not react) to it in the right way.

So, let’s take a look at how to accomplish all of that…

What is a Test and Why Do You Need to Pass It?

For women, a test is a fast and effective screening tool that allows them to determine what kind of man they’re dealing with – whether or not he has the characteristics that make him attractive.

It lets women get a glimpse of the “real you” without spending too much time getting to know you.

Just like you will immediately “disqualify” girls you’re not attracted to based on looks, they will do the same by using testing.

If you pass her tests on a consistent basis, she will categorize you as an alpha male and feel attraction for you.

If not, she’s going to see you as a wimp and lose interest… if there was any to begin with.

Keep in mind that it’s not always this black and white! Not every girl will see you as an alpha just because you passed her test, nor will she consider you a wimp if you didn’t.

There are more factors in attraction than just this one. So, if you need a more in-depth explanation of what to do to attract girls, then you’ll find the solution at the end of the article.

But what happens if you fail a test?

If you fail, she will quickly lose interest in you!

And even though she might keep interacting with you because she is trying to be nice, she has already made up her mind – you’re not the man for her!

In this case, winning her interest back is going to be a real challenge (often impossible) and the best course of action is to move on!

That’s why passing her tests becomes so important: it will make sure that she becomes and stays attracted to you.

Therefore, be ready to get tested all the time!

Now, here is an interesting fact for you: more likely than not, a woman isn’t always testing you on a conscious level.

This means that sometimes she isn’t even aware of it. If you have ever been in a relationship, you have probably experienced it firsthand where all of a sudden she starts “acting weird” and doesn’t even know it herself why she’s doing it.

But no matter the case, you should never take tests personally!

Most women will test you because they’re interested in you/want you to demonstrate your masculine power.

So be glad when she tests you because she’s either seeing you as a potential partner (when single) or giving you a valuable hint to get your shit together before the situation worsens (in a relationship).

And here’s one tip for the guy looking to find a girlfriend: passing her tests doesn’t guarantee you a relationship with her!

If you’re in it for the long term, you need to widen your focus on more important matters: demonstrating that you are boyfriend material.

The Never-Ending Tests

Okay, we now reached the conclusion that it’s important to pass tests. So, all you really have to do is to make sure that whenever you meet a girl, you’ll pass them!

After she realizes what an awesome guy you are, everything will be smooth sailing thereafter. Right?

I mean, surely if you have passed most of her tests and are now in a relationship with her, you don’t have to worry about them ever again, right?

WRONG!

A woman will test the same guy throughout the whole relationship!

For her, it’s important that he stays the man she fell for. She wants to be sure that the guy she found attractive at the beginning of the relationship is still the same a couple of months in.

So she tests him… and if he constantly fails these tests, she will lose attraction and might even leave him.

With passing time, though, she will need less and less proof – if he manages to pass her tests most of the time – and feels safe knowing that he is, in fact, a man with a strong character.

Someone who won’t just let others (including her) run over him. Someone with a backbone!

And that’s what a woman really wants from her man: to feel safe knowing he’s reliable, and if needed, can support her.

However, on the rare occasion when the intensity of the tests doesn’t stop, you could be in a relationship with a girl who is either insecure or addicted to testing you (to see your masculine side).

Then it’s up to you to decide if you really want to stay with her and get bombarded with one test after another or just leave.

Nevertheless, should you fail tests too many times, a woman will feel that something is off and lose attraction.

Sometimes she might not even understand herself what it is, but she feels it in her gut and starts acting accordingly.

This means that she will ignore you or stop reacting to you altogether (when single) or even antagonize you to get a reaction from you (in a relationship).

So no matter your relationship status, you should always be ready to face a test in one form or another!

But does this also mean that you have to always be on the lookout for one, constantly worrying when you’re going to get a test thrown at you?

Of course not!

It means that you should stay the badass she fell for at the beginning of the relationship!

If you start to take the relationship (or her) for granted, stop growing as a man, or lose your “masculine power”, you can be sure that she will start testing you again!

While in the beginning, she will do it to see whether or not you are legit, later on, she will only do it if she needs a reminder or sees you slipping.

How do Women Test You?

By now you are probably eager to know how women test you.

So allow me to explain.

It’s actually pretty simple and straightforward. Women are always observing your behavior in an interaction, often how you react to them (or your surroundings).

If they say something bizarre just to get a rise out of you or try to put you on the defensive, then you’re being tested. And if you react to it in the wrong way, you fail!

Usually, the best course of action when you are being tested is to not become defensive when she says or does something. If you don’t let her behavior affect yours, you will pass her test.

The one thing you should avoid at all costs, though, is to get too paranoid and take everything that a girl says or does as a test. Not everything is a test! If you start to take every little thing as one, it will backfire on you terribly.

If she is a stranger to you and doesn’t respond to you at all, or very seriously tells you to back off, then… you back off!

Sometimes you have to let it go and not assume she acts this way because she is testing you.

Other times a woman might even just say things that are on her mind and could require a reaction from you, so if you respond to her as if you would respond to a test, it will definitely not end well.

So, some social awareness is still required when you get into situations where you’re not certain how to respond.

To make this a bit easier for you, here are a couple of examples where a woman is testing you:

In a relationship – Even though you both agreed that you’re going out to spend some time with your buddies when it’s time to go, she suddenly changes her mind and starts to protest insisting you stay home with her.
When talking to a girl who looks interested – In one moment she seems ecstatic talking to you, in the next, her demeanor changes completely and she seems distant.
In a relationship, but also with a girl whom you just met – She makes a comment about you that could be interpreted as negative.
When approaching a girl you like – Instead of being nice to you, she gives you the cold shoulder or acts like a bitch.

As you can see from the examples above, sometimes her behavior can seem odd, but when taking into account that she’s testing you, it suddenly starts to make a lot of sense.

In the first example where she instantly changes her mind, it is to see whether you cave in and stay at home with her or actually have the backbone to disagree.

By staying home you might even make her happy in the moment, but it will have lasting negative effects in the long-term.

In the second example, she becomes quiet to see how you’re going to react to it.

If you lose your cool because you can’t deal with the pressure, she will notice it and lose interest in you. But if you continue talking to her as if nothing has happened, she will eventually warm up to you again and feel attraction.

In the third example, you simply don’t pay any attention to it – confident people don’t care what anyone says about them.

Of course, sometimes it’s also okay to react to it by going along with it (jokingly) or letting her know that you won’t stand for being ridiculed (only if she actually does it!).

The final example can be a bit tricky.

If she’s testing you, it’s to assess how you respond. If you stay calm and collected and won’t let her behavior dictate yours, she will eventually warm up to you.

But like already mentioned, sometimes this doesn’t work because she really is a mean bitch or you actually are bothering her, so your best bet is to move on!

Okay, so we looked at what a test is and why it’s important, then we realized that “you can’t escape it”, and now we have taken a look at some of the examples.

What next?

Well, let’s just figure out…

How to Pass Her Tests Every Time

Like I already mentioned at the beginning of this article, there are really two ways you can pass a test: 1) you stay unreactive 2) you react to it in the right way. So, let’s take a look at both of them:

By not reacting to her test, you basically demonstrate to her that it doesn’t phase you. That no matter what she throws at you, you can stay cool and collected.

This is a sign of higher value – men who don’t react are more confident and experienced.
When you react, it needs to come from a place of authentic masculine energy! This means that you express yourself freely without pulling any punches.

So when a girl is giving you shit, you tell her in a calm but assertive way to back off. Yes, even when reacting, you stay calm and collected because reacting in any other way means she got under your skin.

Both of these “methods” work because they demonstrate traits (like confidence, dominance, integrity, etc.) that are considered attractive by women.

Now, all you have to figure out is the “when” – when to use either one of them.

With a little social awareness and experience, you’ll be able to distinguish when staying unreactive is the right course of action and when you need to stand your ground so you won’t look like a pushover.

In Conclusion

There isn’t really a fast way to determine what you should be doing in every situation.

Only if you acquire the core understanding of the female psyche, will you be able to tell that.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to know everything about women. You just need to know what kind of traits and behaviors they respond to.

Armed with this knowledge, you can separate a test from something she really says (means) and does, and know how to respond to it!

In order to get a better understanding of the female psyche, you have to understand the dynamics of male-female relationships and this goes beyond the scope of this article.

What you can do though, is to go out and start interacting with as many women as possible! This will help you to get a feel for it naturally.

But if you are looking for a faster (and more efficient) method, check out my course Rules of the Alpha Male.

It will clear up many questions and misconceptions you might have, and as an added benefit, turn you into a badass with women!

On a final note: Passing tests shouldn’t be about tricking women into liking you. By passing them, you’ll look like a man with a strong character. But if you’re just pretending, women will see through you and still reject/dump you.

That’s why it’s important that instead of just playing one, you actually take the necessary steps to become one!

75 Comments

Deno
Feb 1, 2024 at 8:01pm

The reason why women test men emerge from either for them to establish and ascertain positive attributes or negative attributes from men respectively. When it comes to positive attributes , it involves how caring is and his other good qualities he poses. But some toxic women might test men to see how far she can push his boundaries ( how far she can manipulate him before he chooses to end or react back to her negatively).
Kerry Patel
Mar 18, 2018 at 2:40am

If she tests you meaning---- she is not in love with you. She will dump you eventually. Solution is -- dump her before she dumps you. If a woman really likes you, she will make things easier for you. ( From my experience with many girls )
1. Don
  May 4, 2018 at 4:57am
  
  No. Absolutely no. Women only test men they care about or might want to care about. If a girl walks past a homeless guy, she doesn’t test him. Because she doesn’t care. If a girl is testing you then you are under consideration to be her guy. Don’t blow it.
Real man
Oct 10, 2017 at 8:50am

Whoops...anyway, as I was saying. If you find you are failing all of these tests. Keep at it. There is nothing wrong with you. You may eventually find someone who speaks your language. Whos tests you cannot help but pass. Good article though. Well thought out and articulated. I just think the dynamics of men and women aren't neat and clean cut. Sometimes you screw up by over thinking this stuff. Anyway thanks
1. John
  AUTHOR Oct 10, 2017 at 10:59am
  
  Thanks for the kind words. And I mostly agree with what you say, you really shouldn't change yourself just to get women or chase the status of an alpha male because you compromise your integrity. However, the reason why I know the "be yourself" thing doesn't work for all guys is because most men don't know who they are. Take it from me, before going through a transformation on my own and becoming the person I am today, I didn't know how to be myself. I used to look up to every guy (whether fictional or real) who displayed any kind of alpha traits and tried to imitate them. For me, being myself meant being a loser who will never amount to anything and pretending to be someone else meant I could be better. I get it, for you being yourself means someone with options, someone who wouldn't compromise his integrity for women. It's guys like you women actually want. But most guys aren't like you! They are desperate to be with any woman they meet and therefore sacrifice themselves to get her. That's why women test and dump them relentlessly - they are extremely needy and lack integrity. My "job" is to help these guys to become stronger and to see the world like you see it (to adopt a healthier mindset).
Real man
Oct 10, 2017 at 8:42am

Interesting. I think the take home point is to be exactly yourself and never compromise that. Even if that self sometimes defies the ideal image of an alpha male. For example, sometimes the strongest thing a man can do is admit that they feel weak. Its the real cowards who are so afraid of that. If I started to change my actions or reactions toward women because of something I read online, id be compromising my own unique nature. Let relationships evolve naturally. I mean men and women have been successfully procreating long before this article was written. Crazy, right? if women have these hidden or conscious drives to test men, im sure men have all sorts of hidden drives at their disposal to counter it. Let nature do its thing, dont complicate it. that being said, I think it should be the goal of both men and women to keep their cool and expect reasonable things from each other. Dont be swayed by artificial depictions of the opposite sex based on what you've seen on tv. They are false. Do your own thing...always! Many people will reject you, hell...they might down right hate you. But the few that stick around will love you deeply. If you are not a man who naturally passes these tests, keep at it...you will find someone thatl
Pippo
Aug 12, 2017 at 12:24am

Even if I think there all the best intentions in the author of this article (to provide some tips on how to survive to tests and to be with a beautiful girl), I agree with some of the commenters that say that it might give bad interpretations... because "how moral is all of this?" I know that talking of morality in this context sounds weird, but in a different way... "is it worthy to lose yourself to win the insecurities of the girl?" The problem of this article is that it puts the man in a low position, because in the moment you pose the problem of passing the tests, it means that the man should questions himself and consequently act somehow unnaturally, because otherwise the problem of whether it is a test or not doesn't exist, or should not be a concern. But if it exists... well, it means that the feelings of the girl/woman counts more than everything else and that the man's goal is to make them good and alive for all of his life (you confirmed that this is valid even after the first meetings, but still posing the question whether to continue to be in the relationship). So, what's the point of masking yourself to conquer a girl by passing the tests, but then to evaluate the goodness of the tests later in the relationship if they continue? Why to not claim that testing is bad regardless if it is beginning of the relationship or later? Isn't it better to simply advice... testing a man is something bad that unfortunately many girls do: they may test you, but just be yourself, and if she doesn't like you because you didn't pass the test (translated you didn't do what she wanted)... well, that's her problem. Because, if you claim that the man must make the woman happy, or that the woman is happy if the man behaves in what she dreams about, well... I think that's a simple ground for a lot of manipulations, because almost everything is acceptable unless the woman is happy, and where to draw the line of what is unacceptable? If the woman believes that testing is somewhat good because natural and belonging to female personality, she can always claim that some words were ... well... simply tests, or ways to stimulate the reaction she wanted, and the man is not good enough to recognize this, which is "victim blaming". I have been in a relationship where tests continued so much that once for a very trivial argument she first said that she was leaving, then when I called the bluff she went crazy not allowing me to leave the apartment, calling my parents to insult them, than claiming that if I stopped her to do it she would smash her head and saying to police that I abused her. When I told her I could not continue a similar relationship, obviously she said that it was not true, that she could not even remotely think of doing what she threatened, she was joking, she simply expected me to hug her after that little argument... (how does it differ from... that was a test and you didn't get it?) So, my biggest regret was(is) to have passed most of her previous tests, instead of just being myself and let her run away from the beginning if my personality didn't match her expectations, and that would be my same advice to every man... if you are interested in a serious long term relationship (not the single night where you can focus on passing tests because basically both of you are simply playing a game), be yourself and don't care if she is testing you, because if you fail her test by being yourself... well, probably she doesn't care about you because a relationship needs to be based on mutual love and trust, otherwise it is simply a need of attention and the best ground for manipulation. That is called "being responsible", toward the girl because you are showing simply who you are, and toward you not allowing the girl to manipulate you, and it doesn't matter if that testing need belongs to female psyche, there are a lot of immoral/bad actions built in our psyche (try to think the worst actions and yes... most of them believe to our instincts but fortunately we are able and must control them, especially because fortunately society evolves and many actions that in the past were considered normal now are seen as atrocious) but as humans probably we should push people to be the better version of ourselves, and that it is also about girls... instead of telling them that it is natural to test and showing off that you are good to understand them, probably we should tell them... "hey, I know that you have this weird desire of testing men, but that is wrong, nobody else except you is responsible of your feelings and you lose credibility every time you do it, try to imagine how you would feel if treated in the same way: if you want to be a better person stop playing these games and start to love."
1. John
  AUTHOR Aug 12, 2017 at 8:51pm
  
  My response to you was originally much longer, but after going through your comment a couple of times, I'll just say the following: the biggest problem I see with your comment is that you don't seem to understand what exactly passing her test means. You are implying that it's something that "lowers your value" and makes you sacrifice your self-worth (by jumping through hoops to please her) but that's exactly the opposite what it actually is. You will NEVER sacrifice your integrity when passing a test! So, don't assume that passing her tests means you have to keep her happy at all costs! Like I said in the beginning of the article, you actually show strength of character when you do it. Also, when you start shaming a woman for testing men, then you are the one doing the "victim blaming" here. This isn't something she can control. Giving her shit for something that's wired into her psyche is just stupid. How would you like it if people started to blame you for wanting the hot girl over the ugly one? By your logic, people could just tell you basically the same you suggested: "Hey, I know that you have this weird desire to date beautiful women, but that's wrong! You should date fat and ugly girls too!" Stop playing these games and start to love the fatties!" It just seems to me that you just skimmed through this article before going on this tirade about how this article is wrong and "being yourself" is the answer to everything. Please do yourself a favor and read it again, because you missed the point by a mile.
James
Jul 14, 2017 at 7:01am

To be honest, I gotten professional help with the situation, but still seems I have difficulties. I've made a considerable amount of progress when socializing (I couldn't function at all and mostly stayed isolated), but it isn't an easy thing to overcome. I've attended group meetings, been institutionalized, and spoken to three different psychologists. Yes - men do value women by physical appeal by a certain degree, but woman seem to want a physically masculine man as well. I'm not certain what else can be done for myself as I've challenged myself many times (approaching women, going to social settings, etc.). While things have gotten better as I've said, it still seems to be a major problem of today. Perhaps I'll never get over it, but instead, may have to find a more understanding person. One more question if you don't mind me asking: If a female suffer from the same or similar condition, would they expect the man to simply "Get over it?" Must a man be free of all weaknesses?
1. John
  AUTHOR Jul 14, 2017 at 12:34pm
  
  A girl who faces the same challenges as you do will hardly expect you to get over it. As a matter of fact, women are very empathic and most wouldn't probably even see your "weakness" as a deal breaker once they get to know you. Most likely, they would be more impressed by you simply because you are showing strength despite your shortcomings. Only in the beginning when she doesn't know you yet, can your behavior (caused by anxiety) affect her opinion of you. Once she knows who you are, she will be sympathetic to your situation. And no, you don't have to be Mr. Perfect, you just have to work on yourself and have a drive in life. And it looks to me that you're doing exactly that, just don't give up on trying to improve and get better. Even if you never overcome your anxiety, women will still consider you attractive if you never use it as an excuse why you can't do something.
James
Jul 14, 2017 at 12:01am

Well, this seems like an interesting article that I didn't expect to come across. Anyways, here's a question: If a man is suffering from Social Anxiety, how would he overcome such a condition? What if the woman he is interested in perceives his condition as a form of "weakness" when in reality, he cannot help it? Social Anxiety is something I've been struggling with for years, and unfortunately, I believe it has impacted every potential relationship I've come across. Ironically, it seems that one-night-stands are easier achieved than maintaining a girlfriend (to be honest, I would rather be interested in a relationship). While a lot of emphasis is put on the psychological state of the female mind, I've come across confident females who didn't give me any tests or anything of the like, but exhibited an interest in me. I definitely hope that the majority of women don't give these tests out, as it would explain why so many women come off as mean towards me. Who - knows, maybe I'm not a too bad looking guy, but I am 6.5ft, black, and muscular. Your article definitely have changed my perspective on women, but if things really are as you described, I believe I am best left single.
1. John
  AUTHOR Jul 14, 2017 at 3:28am
  
  Okay, first of all, I haven't made anything up. This is something I have experienced myself and have seen many guys gone through, so don't assume I wrote this just to sell you something. But let's move on to your questions. Now, if your social anxiety is affecting your life to such an extent that you can't even function in a social setting, then the best advice I can give you is to seek professional help (I'm serious, I know how bad it can be for some people). But, as someone who has struggled with social anxiety myself, I can tell you that one way to overcome it is to face it. You have to move out of your comfort zone and constantly challenge your fears. You do that by baby stepping it and taking on increasingly harder challenges. And sorry to tell you this, but if a woman doesn't know you, she will perceive your condition as a "weakness". But don't take this as a reason to start hating her, she can't help it because it's just something she's "programmed" to look for in a potential partner (just like we are programmed to value women by their appearance). While it is unfair, I believe there is always something you can do about your situation, you just have to find a way. The absolutely worst thing you can do is to accept your helplessness and start to justify it. Also, don't worry about her testing you. If she rarely/never tests you, then everything is fine.
Maria pirone
Apr 17, 2017 at 4:53am

Thank you John, This article is very helpful in teaching men that women are just wanting to feel safe with her man. Manipulation is not healthy and some women are not healthy, but some times it is hard for a healthy woman to let a man know what she needs, because it may emasculate him. (so she tests) She tests to know he is strong enough to hold her emotions and remain true to his integrity. I have been researching the description of what a healthy Alfa man is, and you John are the definition.
Anonymous
Feb 26, 2017 at 5:36pm

Yeah the answer to the test is walk away from that narcissist. Because there are many more fish in the sea. People like people who stand up for themselves. As soon as you try to justify yourself by standing there and try to be this called calm collective (p*ssy) guy she has you hooked yeah you might bang her for the night but you'll never have a relationship with her because she thinks she owns you. Relationships are a mutual respect not a game of King of the hill. Every woman (key word woman not girl) I have dated has never done this because they are confident in who they are and they know I can walk away just as the can yet know the world doesn't revolve around them, just as it doesn't revolve around me.
Nick
Feb 24, 2017 at 10:51pm

I think men have given women wayyyyyy too much power. With the influence of media like music videos, movies, and sex everywhere you look, female empowerment has surged beyond normal levels even extending to foreign countries. This is not normal. Power should be balanced between man and woman. There are good tips and perspectives in this article however I think men in this country are becoming a bunch of pussies and need to take the reigns back.
1. John
  AUTHOR Feb 25, 2017 at 12:09am
  
  I agree. Thanks, Nick!
Dennis
Jan 26, 2017 at 1:45pm

I learn't one lesson as a man and i some what keep passing their silly tests. ALWAYS BE COOL no matter what she says or does.And stay in charge. Period! If she's too much for you too handle, you are in a wrong relationship because it'll never work so look for the next woman you can control.
1. John
  AUTHOR Jan 26, 2017 at 3:25pm
  
  I Agree. Though, wouldn't really use the word "control" in the end.
Ice Ice Katie
Jan 20, 2017 at 2:17pm

A woman's "test" often starts out very small and if this test is failed that is when the intensity of the tests will increase. This increase must be triggered in order to occur because if the original smaller test is passed without her alarm bells ever going off she will feel extremely pleased by you, but she is not pleased because you passed her test, she probably didn't even realize there even was a test. She but instinctively she feels a much stronger bonding connection for you, she feels loving emotions filling her chest and a warmth surrounds her causing her to feel tenderness for you and drives her desire to cuddle with you, smiles, giggles, giving you weird compliments while staring at you all starry eyed.. But let's say you failed her subconscious test, she will experience a strange almost cold prickly sensation run through her body, her stomach will knot up, she will feel a mix of disappointment and sadness. To get rid of this feeling she will now in response to this feeling come at you with a much harsher test, to confirm her reaction. If you fail that one as well it will turn into anger, hurt, betrayal. After you fail so many times with her basically all of her warm fuzzy feelings for you have turned to cold stone. She knows she can't count on you, she knows you fall short, she knows you give her the cold prickly sensation so her mind associates you with a sick feeling in her gut. If you genuinely pass her tests and mean it and treat her like she is your everything, she will in turn treat you like her baby Superman. If you fail she will treat you like an annoying little snot nosed brother.
1. John
  AUTHOR Jan 20, 2017 at 4:56pm
  
  Thank you, Katie! Your comment is definitely going to be an eye-opener for many men.
2. Jay
  Mar 25, 2017 at 11:02pm
  
  The only reason women have these tests is because they are so insecure inside their own bodies, they cant trust anyone else that approaches them.
  1. John
    AUTHOR Mar 25, 2017 at 11:16pm
    
    Nope, that's not the reason... Also, would you trust any random person that approaches you?
3. J
  Apr 3, 2017 at 5:44am
  
  I was going to say something similar to what you posted. It's nice to see some logic about our emotions. :)
Anonymous
Jan 11, 2017 at 11:48pm

The good looking women are constantly testing their men because they have options. Somebody is interested in your good looking girlfriend. She wants an excuse to dump your ass if need be.
1. John
  AUTHOR Jan 12, 2017 at 1:03am
  
  And she is going to dump your sorry ass, if you're not "man enough" for her. That's exactly what passing her tests helps to prevent, to some degree. Of course, you will have to demonstrate attractive qualities as well to keep a quality woman.
2. J
  Apr 3, 2017 at 6:23am
  
  Wait a minute, guys, back up a second. There's no reason to be rude. As someone that every man she's ever been in a relationship with has described as f***ing rare and beautiful (though I don't see where they get that from, but hey those are their words not mine) I totally contest this. I definitely don't think, "hmmm...now what can I throw his way today?" Also, I don't give a flying flip about stringing males along in case someone better comes along because I don't need someone with the opposite genitalia in order to enjoy my life. At our core, we as humans have primal instincts. Women bear children and men spread their genetics. That said, every man and every woman feels insecure at times and needs affirmations and reassurances from their love even if they have the greatest self-confidence imaginable. I will be 100% honest with you, Anonymous. I get tired of being looked at by men all the time while their girlfriends shoot me scathing looks.The only man I want to have look at me is incapable of being by my side because of life circumstances at present. So why don't I break it off with him and go for someone where I'm at? Easy. He's a man of worth who understands and compliments me. The list of men I have bothered to even attempt a relationship with is very small because most of the guys who asked me out proved to me they weren't worth my time long before I gave them an answer. So before you think good looking women are simply looking for a Plan B to dump you for, maybe you ought to ask yourself if you are worthy of being her Plan A. And John? Just a heads up about women: most of us don't think in terms of "man enough." You are either a real man or a boy in a grown up's body, all of which we determine based on personality, values, and overall quality of being.
  1. John
    AUTHOR Apr 3, 2017 at 3:48pm
    
    You're right. I probably should have corrected him. But I didn't take his comment as literally as you did. Obviously, no woman thinks about dumping his man for a "better version." But if he turns out to be a huge disappointment or lets her down too many times, it's what she's eventually going to do. And like I already mentioned in the article, sometimes women test men even in a relationship, especially if they still have doubts about him. I think this is what Anonymous meant. That's why I agreed with him. Of course, unless he happens to come back and specify, I can't really speak for him. Also, my comment wasn't meant to be taken as something that women think or say. It was just my way of saying exactly what you described: you're either a man or not. Didn't you notice, I used quotation marks and actually mentioned that you need to have qualities that are considered attractive? Anyway, thank you for your comments! It's great to see women like you and Katie give a female perspective on these things.
Anonymous
Jan 9, 2017 at 9:13pm

Women shouldn't test men. End of! It ruins relationships all for a woman to have the feeling of power and control over the man which in turn weakens the man. Especially if children are involved. This article is utter bollocks and leads women into thinking they can do what they want!
1. John
  AUTHOR Jan 9, 2017 at 11:34pm
  
  Wow, this comment is so stupid, I don't even know how to respond to it... You do know that this article is aimed towards men, right? Also, it isn't something I just made up on the fly to teach women how to act, it was written because this is how they already behave (to teach men how to respond to it).
  1. Anonymous
    Jan 10, 2017 at 5:19pm
    
    I agree with Anonymous. Your article is actually going to mess up relationships.
    1. John
      AUTHOR Jan 10, 2017 at 6:46pm
      
      And how exactly is it going to do that? I'm really curious to know.
2. Anon
  Feb 18, 2017 at 11:38am
  
  @John. Hypothetically, consider that a woman has the intention of communicating some genuine feeling or concern, but a man who has read this article and no other 'resources' misidentifies her behavior as what you have deemed "testing". The man therefore attempts to respond in a way he thinks is "alpha" and in the process, unintentionally pushes the woman away. She feels pushed away because from her perspective, this guy is randomly acting out of character or in a way that one wouldn't deem organic - in fact, it comes off as weird, perhaps arrogant, or demonstrates a gross lack of emotional intelligence. Now, notice that this doesn't mean that "tests" don't exist; it merely highlights that there has been a misidentification of one. Here lies the problem. This hypothetical scenario will be commonplace because it would be exceptionally difficult to correctly identify behaviours associated with what you would consider to be genuine/meaningful vs "testing". At this point you may say "yeah, that's why you need to understand a woman's psyche, there are courses and lots of resources...etc". However, even if these exist, being able to differentiate between tests and genuine behaviour with these tools would require somebody to have an above-average intelligence, among other really well-developed faculties - I may even be being conservative here. Point here is, encouraging men to respond to these apparent tests (doesn't matter if they are real) will be screwing up at least some relationships. I'm sure you'd agree that there will be at least some instances of this, but we'd probably disagree on the volume. I can acknowledge that these tests could exist in a similar way to what you describe - but I also acknowledge that women, despite the headf**kery, are also diverse beings with the desire to emotionally connect with somebody more often than "testing". What I'm trying to say is, as men, we don't really have much of a choice than to do our best to play it by ear; you can't inorganically teach the stuff you're talking about without it screwing up more relationships than you care to consider.
  1. John
    AUTHOR Feb 18, 2017 at 6:53pm
    
    You're way off. Please point me to where I say to dismiss a woman with valid concerns and feeling. In fact, I specifically state not to get too paranoid and start to see everything as a test. Also, a girl who has valid concerns and wants to express them will act very differently from when she is actually testing you. You're wrong about needing an above-average intelligence to know the difference because you will start to recognize a test very easily once you gain more experience. How do I know that? Because I went from a clueless dumbass to someone who has a solid understanding on this subject and I don't consider myself a genius. Yes, I agree with you on that there will be guys who still start to take everything as tests. But that's because these guys don't understand my message. And as much as you would like to blame me for this, it's not my fault! However, this article will help way more men who respond to a test the wrong way. It will be extremely helpful for guys who do everything she says (no matter how absurd it is) and then wonder why they get dumped. But maybe you're right and I give way too much credit to people reading this article. However, I believe that if you found this information, you're smart enough not to start acting like an idiot and dismiss a woman with valid concerns just to appear "alpha". You also make terrible assumptions about how to respond to a test. You don't respond to one by pushing her away or "coming off as weird/arrogant"! This is exactly the opposite what I'm saying in this article! If she is testing you, you keep your calm and don't brush everything she says off just to appear alpha. Most of the time you actually talk to her but won't budge on subjects that go against your core values just to appease her. Like I said in the article, by passing her tests, you demonstrate that you aren't a pushover, not a hardass who doesn't acknowledge her feelings! You're not going to screw up a relationship by passing a woman's test! You really reveal your ignorance on this topic with a statement like this. Look, I understand that you are skeptical about all of this. You don't believe you can actually learn more about the female psyche (or you have to be a genius for that) and I'm not trying to convince you otherwise. But unless you have some experience on this subject, please don't come here stating I'm wrong when you have no clue what you're talking about. You're making assumptions that don't hold true and stating the obvious when you come here with "women... are also diverse beings with the desire to emotionally connect with somebody more often than testing". Absolutely no one is denying that! But sometimes women do test you and this article is going to help you to deal with it in the correct way. Please read the comment from Katie and you get the definition of testing from an actual woman! Someone who didn't come here dismissing my article but actually gave her own perspective and basically confirmed everything I wrote.
Dirk
Jan 5, 2017 at 3:54am

Good article like all the comments here. Am in my 50s and had to start all over lost my past girl to cancer. Dating now a days seems like hard work and I don't understand woman these days starting dating a girl that I really like been going out for two months. Then she tells me she doesn't feel the connection. I must have failed on her tests but I don't know what test. We.were getting along great and out no were this any ideas guys
1. John
  AUTHOR Jan 5, 2017 at 7:37pm
  
  Hey, Dirk! Sorry to hear about your loss. The reason why she broke up with you or even what test you might have failed isn't important. What matters is that you get back in the game. My advice to you is to start dating multiple women instead of just one. Since you don't have the luxury a guy in his 20s has to jump from one relationship to another (even he shouldn't do that!), you have to start meeting many women to find the right one. This way if one of them tells you that she isn't ready for a relationship with you, at least you won't fall back to zero.
Brigett
Jan 2, 2017 at 2:56am

So enjoyed this article and it helped me to understand some of my past experiences with men. I am very feminine but also very strong and determined in my own way. I realize how I tested my exhusband and how utterly crushed I felt when the dissapointment and sadness at his weakness hit me (a kind of awful visceral feeling that was felt all over my body) needless to say sex became impossible. (Even though I naturally have a very high libido). I made all the important decisions and held the vision for our family. I also depressingly stepped more into my masculine aspects of my personality which for a feminine women is kind of tragic. NEVER will I let this happen again. But also, looking back I can see how insecure I was and had little understanding. And my ex btw in his way is a good man. ... but I learnt so much. Some of this involved deprograming feminist idealogies. I felt shame about wanting to submit to a strong man ... anyway I love being a women and there is nothing a real women loves more than a strong powerful man of integrity who holds his ground.... and in a playful way its also kind of challenging fun and sexy ?
1. John
  AUTHOR Jan 2, 2017 at 1:34pm
  
  Thank you, Brigett! It's always great to hear the perspective of a woman on this subject. Really appreciate your comment!
Jean Pierre
Dec 19, 2016 at 9:58pm

Heyy I met this nice girl and we went on 3 dates the 3 date we had sex and ever thing was fine when I was with her and as I got home I send her a message to say thanks for the night and the day I enjoy it so she replays she enjoyed it to and we started chting on whatsupp and she just said se enjoy it but she wants to take it slow and she likes me but she is not shore what she feels for me because it is to fast after her break up with her ex and she feeld that she was going to marry him and after 2 years he just lived her what do I do.
1. John
  AUTHOR Dec 20, 2016 at 1:18am
  
  Hey man. Take it easy and don't rush. Trying to "seal the deal" with her as fast as possible will only make you come across as needy and desperate. If you have options, date other girls and stop obsessing over her. Don't rush her into making a decision. If she is ready she will let you know, if not... move on.
2. Brigett
  Jan 2, 2017 at 3:31am
  
  Hello ... I had a similar situation. I met a guy and I liked him but I never rush into emotional attachments. He however was ready to fall in love. I wasn't totally closed to him (there was a glimmer) but not ready to rush in. So I (looking back) set a test ☺ I proposed to him that we only have a 'physical relationship. .. ie sex. He unsurprisingly readily agreed. But the test for me was this. .. what was this man prepared to settle for. Was he an all or nothing guy. Did he know he was being kindof side tracked? And it was on my terms. If he had said in reply "as tempting as your offer is I want all or nothing" that would have stopped me in my tracks as I would know that I was dealing with a different kind of man. We did have sex 3 times ... but it was very uninteresting ... and I let it go.
  1. John
    AUTHOR Jan 2, 2017 at 1:53pm
    
    Shows how desperate some men can be. As a man, you should always be ready to walk away if you're not getting what you want, not hope that she will change her mind. Again, thanks Brigett!
Johhnny
Oct 13, 2016 at 2:45pm

K but what are they doing to be worth it, besides slathering on makeup? There, did I just pass a test?
1. John
  AUTHOR Oct 13, 2016 at 3:26pm
  
  No.
George
Sep 18, 2016 at 12:57am

Women can't help testing their men and thats an amazing thing. Without it relationships would be completely unproductive. Some men don't have the ability to deal with being tested, these are men who are often single, have less productive lives, and just complain about women. Ive been with my girlfriend for about a year, and our relationship is better then ever. Shes beautiful and the most attractive girl I've ever dated, she's very smart (in a doctorate program) and she throws her tests out every now and then. What I do is I stay true to myself and my opinions no matter what, and we always end up happy (not to mention she gives it up constantly.) But I'm always just a bit frosty because I know something could be lurking right around the corner. God bless her.
1. John
  AUTHOR Sep 18, 2016 at 1:37am
  
  Thanks, George. I completely agree!
  1. Anonymous
    Oct 7, 2016 at 8:55am
    
    I think some simple tests are alright, and it does come with the territory of courting a lot of women unfortunately. However, like you said, if she's CONSTANTLY throwing these tests out, then definitely re-check the relationship.
    1. John
      AUTHOR Oct 7, 2016 at 11:05am
      
      Yes, you can't expect women not to test you. But then again, if one does it all the time, it's a bad sign.
JC
Sep 2, 2016 at 2:57pm

Women are more trouble than they are worth!
1. John
  AUTHOR Sep 2, 2016 at 4:07pm
  
  Well, you still have to learn to live with them.
Buster-Hymen
Jul 21, 2016 at 10:17am

It's called a congruency test and most women (highly sought after a.k.a. Good looking women) will do it subconsciously. Every hottie I've ever been with has done it, and before I understood it I used to lose my shit and they would be gone. Now, I just laugh it off and say "ok babe, whatever you say". Then I'm usually the one who walks.
Thomas
Jul 14, 2016 at 11:25am

this is nice....
Jones
May 27, 2016 at 7:31am

A woman wants to be cared for, understood, and respected. I agree with the other comment, if a woman is constantly testing you for alpha-male-ness . . . Run. Because she isn't mature enough to deserve a real man and the relationship will be based on short term attraction.
1. John
  AUTHOR May 27, 2016 at 11:40am
  
  I agree with the first sentence, but what does it have to do with this article? This is an old article and my views have somewhat changed on this topic, but I stand by most what I said. A woman will test you if you DON'T show yourself as an alpha male, real man, leader, man with backbone... call it whatever you like. Now, I'm actually not even disagreeing with you, and even though I never implied that "a woman(!) will test you constantly", I'm adding a couple of sentences that hopefully clear things up.
Mike
May 25, 2016 at 6:12pm

do us men subconsciously test women as well?
1. John
  AUTHOR May 25, 2016 at 7:15pm
  
  Interesting question. I've done it consciously but not sure if subconsciously. We usually know immediately if we find a woman attractive. But sometimes when we aren't that sure yet, could be that we do it. What do you think?
Mike
May 18, 2016 at 6:59pm

All women are insecure to some extent so all of them will test you to some extent. The more secure a woman feels about herself and more confident she is in you and in the relationship the less she will test you. However, I do agree it is hardwired into the brain of women to test men. It's how they determine which men are strong enough to deal with her emotions (ie the alpha male).
1. John
  AUTHOR May 19, 2016 at 2:13am
  
  Thanks Mike. Totally agree with you!
Jeff
Apr 14, 2016 at 5:10pm

Guys i need serious help. My fiance always tests me. She also does test insults about my parents. (This happens every month)Sometimes she doesn't answer her phone when i call her at night, but after 4 hours she calls back and tells me that i cheated on her, accuses me, etc. Makes me feel like, she did that, but she is trying to blame me somehow. I don't get it. She tells me that she loves me etc. But funny thing is that she goes test mad when i buy her something.
1. John
  AUTHOR Apr 14, 2016 at 6:04pm
  
  Hey Jeff! If you want, you can contact me directly and tell me more about your situation. But based on what you wrote, my advice to you is not to react when she accuses you of cheating (although this is really weird behavior on her part) and don't let her insult your parents.
2. Alex
  Aug 28, 2018 at 1:20pm
  
  The best way to avoid being judged is to be the judge.
Carlos
Nov 19, 2015 at 4:52pm

My wife still tests me from time to time. It can get a bit tiring but I know why she does that. Nice article by the way!
Edgar
Nov 9, 2015 at 9:05am

Women are designed to test men. It's natural, we are left brainers and they are right brai ners. They do test are logic, but you just have to be a player to play the game.
Youtube video views
Oct 31, 2015 at 10:26pm

Appreciate the recommendation. Will try it out.
DeVaughn Burke
Aug 23, 2015 at 1:09am

This is a great article. My wife tests me constantly and I'm pretty sure she doesn't know when she does it. Its built into who women are.
George
Feb 18, 2015 at 7:32pm

I learned something interesting today!
Cornell H.
Feb 17, 2015 at 1:35pm

Hey man! Nice post, really appreciate the work you put into it.
Eric
Dec 1, 2013 at 6:25am

A woman that has to constantly test you has serious trust issues, plain and simple. It has nothing to do with Alpha male BS. If a woman constantly tests you, run like hell so she can work on herself.
1. John
  AUTHOR Dec 3, 2013 at 11:34pm
  
  Well, good luck finding a woman who won't test you!
2. md
  Nov 6, 2015 at 2:09am
  
  Apparently you don't know much about women.
3. Chip`
  Dec 5, 2015 at 5:14am
  
  Agreed. First of all, what makes a woman think she's "all that" and thus worthy of a man's constant concentration? These are likely the same women who will complain about not wanting any "game playing." lol Take the next off ramp and find yourself a more secure, and thus lower maintenance woman. Life is too short.
  1. John
    AUTHOR Dec 5, 2015 at 12:22pm
    
    No... just no.
4. Sri
  Jun 15, 2016 at 10:54am
  
  You don't run. You tell her exactly how you feel and tell her that she can leave.
5. Anonymous
  Jun 19, 2016 at 1:44am
  
  Eric. I completely agree with you. Any one who feels the need to test and constantly test another needs to to work on their own insecurities. its very immature!
Sundance
Nov 14, 2011 at 9:21am

This is an article that makes you think "never thought of that!"
Lisbeth
Oct 25, 2011 at 4:24pm

Truly rare to find educated individuals about this matter, you sound like you no doubt know exactly what you are dealing with! With thanks